A man who plays with my heart and can't decide if he wants to stay for the long haul doesn't deserve to have me.
I'm not a toy you can play with or an experiment that you can dally with. I'm someone who needs to know if you're going to be in it for the long haul when it comes to dating me. I have dreams too and one of them includes being in a healthy, loving, and stable relationship with someone who understands my worth, respects, and prioritizes me. My emotions aren't a switch that you can turn on and off at will, and if you can't decide whether you want to be with me, then I'm walking out. I can't waste my time waiting for someone who may or may not love me enough to give me the simple reciprocation I ask for. I deserve someone who knows what he wants and treats me right.
I've been through enough heartbreaks and it has taken me a long time to finally find myself. During that time, I have realized I simply do not want to settle for someone who doesn't know how he feels about me because he wants to test the waters. I'm not saying that you have to make a split decision right now, but at least if you talk to me about it, maybe we can figure it out. I want to invest my time in someone who is there to support me when the going gets tough, celebrate with me when I achieve my goals, and makes me want to become a better version of myself.
It's time I look out for myself, and by knowing what I want, I can do that. I won't commit to anyone or anything unless I can give my all to the relationship as it helps me not waste my precious time and energy with undeserving people. I have learned to cut the toxic people out of my life (it really wasn't easy but I did it), and now my trusted ones are few because what I have with them is authentic. I want them to know that they can rely on me, even when I may be going through stuff. That I don't trust easily is an understatement, but when I do, it's a big step for me.
Believe me when I say that dating and loving you, means that I know you're worth it. I value who you are in my life and my love will be boundless. You will never have to worry about feeling unloved or irrelevant. My unconditional love, when given freely, is solid and you would be lucky to have it. But that doesn't mean I will be the only one in the relationship doing that. I need the same from you. I can't give you my heart if you're just going to use it and not treasure it.
Our relationship needs to be the right balance of giving and taking. I'm looking for a man who genuinely wishes to know me better and to help our relationship grow deeper and stronger. If you're not sure about opening up to me or are a staunch believer that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, I can't force you to change. However, I can only give you as much as you are ready to receive, and when I realize I'm not getting anything in return, it will be my final goodbye because I will walk away.
It's not because I think you're incapable of affection; but a man who is uncertain for too long and doesn't know where he wants to be, especially with me, is not going to love me wholeheartedly. I'm a patient person and I'm not unreasonable. I know connecting with someone on a deeper level does take time and I'm willing to put in that effort. Yet, if at some point, you're still unsure and we're stuck in some sort of limbo, then I'm forced to make a decision for you, and leave.
I am my own person, too, and I have a life to lead. I have goals to achieve, worthy relationships to invest in, and to pursue my dreams. I can't just be waiting around indefinitely to see if my partner will finally wake up to realize that he loved me all along. And as much as it hurts to walk away, I will do it because I have to value myself. It's what makes me strong. I'm done being that person who is okay with having her heartbroken over and over again because I never put my well-being first. But all that changes now.
I have learned over the years that I want a partner whom I can trust to be there with me through the good times and bad, who can respect my choices and decisions, who actually listens when I talk, and who loves me as much as I love him. I have also learned that I am just fine on my own, and that waiting for a man who doesn't know whether to commit to me or not, is just a disservice to me. I deserve better and I won't settle for less.